On September 30, from 6 to 7:30, come join us for Authentic Relating Games.
Talent Library Meeting Room, 101 Home St, Talent, OR 97540 (map)
Be prepared to deepen connections with others, in a very safe and supportive environment.
The Five Principles of Authentic Relating
1. Welcome Everything
Embrace the moments as they come, allowing them to be whatever they are. When emotions, thoughts, and experiences bubble up out of that mysterious combination of ourselves and the other, all you need to do is witness them. This principle is first because, from it, everything flows.
When we release ourselves from the responsibility of judging everything as it happens, we find ourselves able to see others for who they are. This opens up a space where working to form a meaningful connection is possible.
2. Assume Nothing
It’s nearly impossible not to assume things. But this principle reminds us that we can note them as assumptions, and we can let these go. It’s amazing what this opens you up to. You might find that you never really knew people you’ve been with your whole life, and you’ll often be surprised by what you see when you set assumptions aside.
The key to this principle is getting practice noting when something is a story you are making up. One of the easiest ways to do this is to incorporate the sentence stem, “I have a story…” into your everyday life.
3. Reveal Your Experience
Relating is a two-way street, and so you have to reveal your experience to others to be in relation. It isn’t always easy — as you have to calibrate vulnerability. But as you learn to navigate this sometimes tricky territory, you give yourself the precious gift of being seen for who you really are.
A great downstream effect of revealing your experience is modeling the behavior for others. They see you do it, and they see that it isn’t so scary after all.
4. Own Your Experience
Owning how you feel and what you perceive takes the blame off of others, and it sets responsibility back on your shoulders. This doesn’t mean ignoring the effects someone else’s actions have on you. Instead, it emphasizes that you have control over two things: how you see the world and how you choose to act.
When you do this, you honor your experience while, at the same time, you keep yourself open to the perspectives of others — which has that two-way chemistry that is the heart of relation.
5. Honor Self and Others
Honoring yourself and others opens the door to win-win solutions and healthy collective thinking. To honor yourself is to keep your boundaries intact. To honor others is to actively listen, empathize, and connect to others’ experiences.
This principle helps to prevent us from entering into unhealthy or unsafe states in order to maintain or increase the feeling of connection — a common pattern for many of us.